Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
