Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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