Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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