I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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