i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize