matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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