She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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