the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize