I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize