i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
