Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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