i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
