Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I pour the whiskey from now on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
