I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just pee around me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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