we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
