I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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