Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
