Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
