Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
