Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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