Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
