She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
