I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
