I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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