I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
