So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize