Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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