I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
