ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
