apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
