happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
