i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
