And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
