Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
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