she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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