i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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