so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want her autograph on my taint
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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