she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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