that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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