I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize