I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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