im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
These tits shall not be calmed
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