sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize