you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
do herpes really smell.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
