Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
