My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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