maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk is a universal language darling
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