I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
