Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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