I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
