Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
