like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
