Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
