Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
