We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
