update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
