I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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