maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
