ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
