I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
