we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
