I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
