first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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