Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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