Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
