Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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