No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
