Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
