you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize