I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i jhust puked up my retainher.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
