If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize