So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
