i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
